Jacqueline Marie Bauer

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Choose to Be Kind

Today I watched the movie Wonder for the first time. I know, I know. I'm a little behind the times, as that movie came out last year. But that is beside the point. For those of you who don't know what Wonder is about, let me give you a brief synopsis. It's about a little boy named Auggie who was born with a facial deformity and the experience he has when changing from homeschool to regular school in the 5th grade. To read more about the movie you can click --> Here.

In this movie, Auggie faces the challenges of fitting in and making friends. He is bullied by a particular student who gives him notes that say things like, "We would all be happier if you died." In the movie, a little girl named Summer decides to befriend Auggie and she starts a ripple effect in which more and more students choose to befriend Auggie.

Being a special education teacher, this movie really hit home for me. I thought about many of the students i taught who, while they may not have had a facial deformities, were different in other ways. I thought about the students who struggled to make friends and feel accepted. Even as first and second graders. 

There were even some of my students who I felt weren't completely accepted by thier regular education teachers. And while the teachers were obviously kind to thier faces, they would often complain or say snide comments in passing to me or other teachers. 

Anyway, to get to my point, I thought about that little girl in the movie, Summer. I thought about how she chose to be kind. Even when nobody else was being kind. She chose to be a friend, even though it was hard and not the popular thing to do. She chose to by an outcast and willingly chose the path that would cause her to be made fun of by sitting with this different boy at lunch. And all i could think of was, I hope that Brooklyn will be that girl one day. 

I hope to raise a daughter that knows her worth and her identity so perfectly that she exudes light! And in so doing, knows the worth and true identity of those around her. That when she is presented with a situation where a student who might be different than her is sitting alone at lunch, it's not even a question as to what she should do.  I hope that she will choose to be a friend when no one else does. And chooses to be kind, even when it may be the unpopular choice. 

❤️Choose Kindness❤️


Thursday, November 8, 2018

Mommyhood

I have been feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude lately. As Brooklyn continues to get older, she continues to melt my heart and somehow, I grow to love her more every day.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, but I had no idea just how much I would love it. It has been, and continues to be my dream job.

But it's so hard.

It's hard waking up every three hours to feed her.

It's hard not being able to just leave the house when I want, because we have to work around nap schedules and feedings.

It's hard not getting the dishes or the laundry done because baby girl won't let me set her down for two seconds.

It's hard being in Target when my baby is screaming because she's hungry and doesn't wait for food.

It's hard trying to feed her in a public place by myself and getting stares and judging looks for breastfeeding, even when i'm covered.

...And that's just the stuff from this month. There's also been:

- The sore nipples
- The stitches in my... nether regions
- The bleeding for 6 weeks
- The hemorrhoids
- The LITERAL most extreme exhaustion i've ever experienced
- The anxiety

...and so much more that I can't remember right now because I was too tired to remember it.

It's a hard job, being a mom. But sometimes I have to convince myself and remind myself that it's a really important one.

Sometimes I feel guilty when I feel tired or overwhelmed, because Silas is SO much busier than me. He's either working, in class, doing HW or bishopbric-ing. So, on the days when I feel too exhausted to do the dishes or the laundry, I feel dumb and like I should be able to do more.

I have to remind myself that I'm literally raising a human. And that it's a really important job! Brooklyn depends on my for literally everything! And sometimes, it's better to just love her and spend time with her than get the dishes done or finish folding the laundry.

I have to remind myself that what i have done so far as a mom has NOT been easy. And I'm dang proud of myself for it!  I have several friends who either just had babies or are expecting soon. And I want to say to them:

Keep on keeping on! That first month is so rough. Your body hurts, you're exhausted from labor and not sleeping in the hospital and now you have a little human who depends on you for everything and who wakes up every two hours at night. You don't know how you're going to do it all. I remember so clearly the feeling of defeat that first week home from the hospital. *Thank goodness my mom was there to help me*.

But Mamas, I promise it gets easier. Your babes will start to sleep longer, Your nipples will become less sensitive and nursing will become much easier. You will get into a routine and feel like a human again, I promise. It might take a few weeks. But you will get there. And in the meantime, use the help people offer and ASK for help if people don't offer it. Accept favors and meals and when people say they will watch your baby while you sleep, take them up on it!

Being a mom is the best job I've ever had. But it's a tough one. I feel like I learn something new everyday about what to do to be a good mom. And sometimes I learn what not to do...

 I'm so glad for the chance i get to stay home with my baby girl. And I hope that i don't take that for granted.

Friday, September 21, 2018

Life with a two month old

As this is a journal of sorts, I thought i would post some of the thoughts I had in the early days and weeks of Brooklyn's life. These are just notes of my phone when i was awake with Brooklyn. For reference, she was born on 7/18/18.

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Current thoughts:

7/21/18 — 7:15 a.m
Right now, I’m just sitting here with baby girl in my arms. It still feels surreal and hard to believe that 1.) she came out of me... and 2.) she is all ours and here to stay!

I’m exhausted. Last night was her first night home with us and it was rough. I didn’t really feel like I was able to sleep at all until about 4 am. And even then, I was just worried about her. I love her so much. And it’s so hard to see her be sad when she wakes in the middle of the night. But it truly amazes me how much love I have for this little human already. She’s so perfect.

I’m also so grateful for Silas. I knew he would be a great dad.... but he has been the most amazing husband any girl could ask for. He has changed more diapers than I have! And he loves this little girl so much. You can see how much he loves her when he holds her. He has helped me in the middle of the night and he encourages me that I’m doing great. (Even though I feel like this is super hard and I don’t know what i will do when my mom leaves.)

4:55 p.m.
I feel like when people say that being a mom is the hardest thing they’ve done, it’s not something you can truly understand until you become one yourself. One of the hardest parts for me so far has just been the worry that comes with the job. I’m constantly thinking about if she’s okay. Asking questions like, “is she too hot? Is she breathing while she’s sleeping? Is she okay on her side while she sleeps? How are her bilirubin levels?" Just literally everything is something to worry about! I felt that way a little bit when I was pregnant, but I have a feeling that is just one of those things that just continues!


7/24/18 — 3:21 a.m.
Right now I’m feeding Brooklyn. It’s actually something I quite enjoy doing. It’s a little painful at times, but it makes me feel pretty connected to her. Today she is 6 days old. It’s crazy that she’s been here with us for 6 days. I can’t believe that she is here to stay. She is so precious and perfect and pure. And I can’t believe that she will grow up! Like she won’t stay this little forever.... which is sad, but also exciting. I am so excited to watch her grow up! 

I have had pretty bad anxiety since she was born. I feel like it’s getting better, but it’s still hard to feel totally restful at night while she’s next to me. I’m always worried that something is wrong or that she needs something. It’s been kind of difficult. Silas gave me a blessing last night though, and i think that helped. 

She’s practically the perfect baby though. Super happy and chill all the time. And sleeps super well! She almost always sleeps 4 or more hours at a time. I wake up more often then that and check on her... bc of my anxiety, but she’s such a good little sleeper. 

She’s also such a good eater! She established a good latch pretty quickly and eats so well! My milk supply has been pretty perfect also. (Well until I screwed it up yesterday... 🤦🏼‍♀️ i pumped to get some excess milk out bc I thought she was done...  but pumped too much. Then she was hungry sooner than I thought and I don’t really feel like I had enough milk the entire night to keep her satisfied...) Breastfeeding is difficult.

I just love her so much.

8/1/18 — 4:04 pm
This week has been tough. Silas had to go to Florida for his internship and won’t be back until Friday. It’s been so hard to have him gone. I am so grateful for his partnership and that we are on the same team!


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I adore this little babe and her grunts! She is the epitome of angelic. I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with her everyday. It's hard to believe that all I've ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom and now here I am with a one-month old baby. I often pinch myself (metaphorically) and have to remind myself that this is real life. I am so happy that this sweet little gal decided to join our family! <3 nbsp="" p="">

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

It's Almost Baby Time!!!

There are officially 18 days until my due date with Baby Girl G! How is that even possible? It's amazing how quickly the time has flown... and yet I wonder how I'm STILL pregnant and how we don't have a baby yet!

This week I am 37 weeks and feeling larger than life. I feel like I have said several times that I feel like my pregnancy has been relatively easy compared to other women I have talked to... but that doesn't mean that I'm not feeling like I'm extremely ready to get this baby OUT! 

I'm getting pretty excited to meet this little Bean inside of me! It still freaks me out that she just lives in there and that we made her from basically nothing... God is so amazing! I'm excited to hold her in my arms and meet her and see what she looks like! I'm excited for Silas to hold her and develop a relationship with her too. So many things I'm excited for!

I'm also terrified! I don't know how to be a mom!! I don't know what it will be like to wake up every hour to a crying baby who is helpless and depends on my for everything. I'm grateful for the help I'll be receiving from those moms around me who know what they are doing!

37 Weeks Preggo



Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Did I really survive my first year of teaching?

Ahh! Here we are! It's the last week of school and I only have 2 days left. I can't believe how quickly this year went by. It's amazing how blessed and divine this internship turned out to be. We were able to really save for our baby, AND I was able to get insurance through the school district. Looking back,I know that my professors were inspired to suggest an internship, and although it was really difficult at times and I wanted to just give up, I learned so much.

I have so much respect for teachers. ESPECIALLY special education teachers. They work SO hard and care SO much for so little reward. It really is a thankless job. I really do have a passion for special education and I hope that I can continue to use my training and degree in my future endeavors.

Baby G is doing great! She is just growing and growing! I think she's like her mama and likes her space and I think she is a little peeved at her cramped style right now. Soon Baby Girl, soon. She is constantly moving around and kicking my ribs and trying to stretch out as much as she can. (Especially when i'm trying to sleep). I'm getting so excited to meet her! We have started getting things in order and getting ready to meet our little lady.

The other day, 2 of my friends threw me a baby shower and someone asked me if it was starting to feel real. I don't really think it will feel real until we bring her home from the hospital and I'm sleep deprived, wondering how the heck we got to this point in our lives.

The "nesting" they talk about is hitting me hard these days. All I want to do is CLEAN and ORGANIZE our house. I'm excited to be able to focus full time on getting things ready for Baby G.

It really is hard to imagine life with a baby. I'm excited to be a mom! Terrified... out of my mind... but excited!

32 Weeks