I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, but I had no idea just how much I would love it. It has been, and continues to be my dream job.
But it's so hard.
It's hard waking up every three hours to feed her.
It's hard not being able to just leave the house when I want, because we have to work around nap schedules and feedings.
It's hard not getting the dishes or the laundry done because baby girl won't let me set her down for two seconds.
It's hard being in Target when my baby is screaming because she's hungry and doesn't wait for food.
...And that's just the stuff from this month. There's also been:
- The sore nipples
- The stitches in my... nether regions
- The bleeding for 6 weeks
- The hemorrhoids
- The LITERAL most extreme exhaustion i've ever experienced
- The anxiety
...and so much more that I can't remember right now because I was too tired to remember it.
It's a hard job, being a mom. But sometimes I have to convince myself and remind myself that it's a really important one.
Sometimes I feel guilty when I feel tired or overwhelmed, because Silas is SO much busier than me. He's either working, in class, doing HW or bishopbric-ing. So, on the days when I feel too exhausted to do the dishes or the laundry, I feel dumb and like I should be able to do more.
I have to remind myself that I'm literally raising a human. And that it's a really important job! Brooklyn depends on my for literally everything! And sometimes, it's better to just love her and spend time with her than get the dishes done or finish folding the laundry.
I have to remind myself that what i have done so far as a mom has NOT been easy. And I'm dang proud of myself for it! I have several friends who either just had babies or are expecting soon. And I want to say to them:
Keep on keeping on! That first month is so rough. Your body hurts, you're exhausted from labor and not sleeping in the hospital and now you have a little human who depends on you for everything and who wakes up every two hours at night. You don't know how you're going to do it all. I remember so clearly the feeling of defeat that first week home from the hospital. *Thank goodness my mom was there to help me*.
But Mamas, I promise it gets easier. Your babes will start to sleep longer, Your nipples will become less sensitive and nursing will become much easier. You will get into a routine and feel like a human again, I promise. It might take a few weeks. But you will get there. And in the meantime, use the help people offer and ASK for help if people don't offer it. Accept favors and meals and when people say they will watch your baby while you sleep, take them up on it!
Being a mom is the best job I've ever had. But it's a tough one. I feel like I learn something new everyday about what to do to be a good mom. And sometimes I learn what not to do...
I'm so glad for the chance i get to stay home with my baby girl. And I hope that i don't take that for granted.
