"Life is Short, Don't be Lazy"

I recently started (and finished in 3 days) Al Fox Carraway's book More than the Tattooed Mormon. For those of you who don't know who she is, click on the link book title to check out her blog and her story. She's super cool! But we'll come back to her.

Lately, I have felt so stuck.

It's like I'm on a steep hill in roller skates and I'm spinning and spinning my wheels, but I'm not really going anywhere. Maybe up a bit and then down a bit, but for the most part I have pretty much stayed in the same spot. At least that's what i feel like.

I've always struggled to find the motivation to achieve goals. I don't know why. But for some reason, I just... struggle.

I mean I'm super great at having vision!

I want to be more fit! I'm going to exercise everyday!
I'm going to run for 30 minutes and then do a circuit to tone my muscles!
Yeah! 

Then that week ends... and I start making excuses.

I am pretty tired this morning, I think i'll sleep in today.
I have too much to do, so I should just skip a work out, I'll do it tomorrow.

And then before I know it, I've fallen off the bandwagon.

There's always something that ends up dragging me down. Which, in turn, drags my self-esteem and self worth down with it.

This past month or so, the dragging has been harder than usual. I don't really know why or what has caused it, but the awful comments I make about myself in my head when I look in the mirror have gotten worse and worse. I look at my body and compare it to the fit women I see in my life. I think about how much time I sit on the couch and feel like a total blob. I think about the spiritual lessons we have in Relief Society and find myself asking the questions:

Why am I not more spiritual like the amazing women at church? 
Why am I not more willing to serve? I should be more willing to serve...
I should read the scriptures more, go to the temple more, pray more diligently, etc.

And I get overwhelmed with everything I should change about myself. I get so overwhelmed that I just... give up. I stop trying because why try when I know I'm going to fail?

You'd be surprised how often the adversary puts that thought into my mind. But that's the thing. It's the adversary. Those thoughts are not from God.

I emailed my sweet missionary sister this week about my woes and she had such wisdom to share with me. (She's always been much cooler than me and wise beyond her years!) She said, "Progression is like a spiral. And sometimes you're on the downward part of the spiral and it feels like you aren't ever going to get where you want to go, and sometimes you even feel like you're going backwards. But if we just keep moving forward, we will get to where we want to go with our Savior's help."

And she's right! There will always be times that we fall. There will always be times that we feel like we are going backwards instead of forwards. But through it all, aren't we so lucky that we have a Savior to help us back on the right track.

So now you're wondering, Okay, but what does Al Fox Carraway have to do with this? Well, let me tell you. I was reading in her book about change and the quote "Life is short, don't be lazy" really stuck out to me. I think that the Savior is there to help us along the way, but we must first help ourselves. We can't be lazy. The Atonement works best when we are trying our best first, then Christ helps us reach our ultimate potential. And we don't have forever to change! We are given this little bit of time on earth to be tested and tried and given obstacles to overcome and we have to take advantage of that time.

I want to take advantage of that time.

So I'm going to try something new. I want to be held accountable for the goals I make. I want them to be known publicly and for the world to see and ask me about. So if you're reading this, will you help me? Here are my goals:

1. Exercise 3 times a week
2. Read/listen to my scriptures or a conference talk 3 times a week for 15 minutes

I'm starting with 2 goals... and I know they might seem pathetic to you. In fact, it's a little embarrassing when I think who might read this. But I want to change and improve and I have to do that one step at a time.

So please ask me about how my goals are going when you see me! Cheer me on! Keep me accountable. Because I SO want to be better. I SO want to be healthier. I SO want to make my relationship with my Savior stronger, and I know that I have to start small.

Reflections of an Ignorant Young Adult

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately. I am to a point in my life, where starting a family is something that weighs upon my mind. I think about the world that we live in, with it's crazy ideas and opinions of what is right, and how in the heck I am going to raise children in it. With the elections coming to a close soon, I have really been reflecting on the future of our country. I have seen so many posts on Facebook with my friends opinions on who they believe should be out next president. It's always the same, I read the initial post, then scroll through the comments and read the contradicting opinions. Some are kinder than others and some are more passionate than others about who they are voting for. Some are very knowledgeable about what they are talking about, and some... not so much. And with all of the opinions I've read and facts that may or may not be true and scandals and personal attacks on specific candidates. I've come to the conclusion that...

None of it matters.

(Okay, let me clarify. I am not saying that you should give up your vote and not care who becomes the president. Please go vote! It does make a difference.)

Moving on...

Come November 9, we will have a new president. I don't know who that president will be, it might be Donald Trump, it might be Hilary Clinton. Hey! It might even be a third party who wins it in the end. But ultimately whatever happens, It's going to be okay!

1. We live in a country with so many freedoms. How lucky that we get to even voice our opinion about who we want to lead our country at all. Some countries don't have that luxury.

2. God has a plan. Even when we don't understand why things happen the way that they do, God is divine and oversees everything. Things happen for divine purposes that we aren't always aware of.

3. We live in the latter days. We have a prophet on the earth who gives us counsel and revelation! No matter what happens in the world, we can always count on a living prophet to help us guide our families to do what is right.

“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.”

                                                                         - Russell M. Nelson, (Jesus Christ—the Master Healer)

                                                                       

All hope is not lost and everything will be okay! I'm grateful for the guidance we receive and that God has not left us alone! This election day and on the days that you feel in despair because of the state of the world, just remember that God is with us and will not forsake us. 

...

Movin' On Up!

This week was the first week of school! Woop! But not only that, we also moved on Thursday! You could say it was an eventful/stressful week. *Side note,  I do not suggest moving within the first week of school. Ever...* But we made it happen, thanks to wonderful ward members and great friends!

This semester is an exciting one for both me & Silas!

I started the Special Ed. program at BYU and finally have a graduation date! Mark December 2017 on your calendars! *Fist pump*

But on an more exciting note, Silas was admitted to the BYU Accounting School and started on Monday!!! For those of you who don't know, it's a pretty big deal. Ranked top 5 in the nation! I'm so proud of him! He had to wear a suit on the first day.

The first week was good, but definitely tiring. Not only did we have school and homework to acclimate to, but we made our big trek north (moving two blocks closer to campus) in the middle of the week.

It's been stressful and a LOT of work, but I think it will be worth it! We are now the proud owners of a washer and dryer and we also have a dishwasher and a disposal! Yippee!! Also, we are 10 min closer to BYU, so that's pretty cool too.

We have had some hiccups since we moved in, but ultimately it's been a fun adventure. It helps that I have the coolest adventure buddy around. :)

When the Light Fades

What causes the light to fade?
What causes the soul to just blacken
like the night of a new moon?
The darkness becomes
so evident
and so clear in the eyes
and you can tell
that something is missing,
even in pictures.
That the light has gone.
Gone away
into some unexplained
abyss.

But is it unexplained?
What happened to you?
I can feel your bitterness,
it seeps through your eyes.
It permeates your relationships
even your cyber ones.
Where did the little girl I played with go?
The girl who loved life
and God?
The girl who knew who she was?

What do we do when the light fades
in someone we once knew
and loved
And played with
and laughed with?
Do you still know
who you are?
What you are destined to
become?

Do not forget
God is real,
God is all knowing,
God is all powerful,
God is all loving.
His work,
His Glory,
is to bring happiness
to His children.

You may not remember,
So I will remember for you
You are so loved.
You are so loved.
You are so loved.

No matter what.
No matter your bitterness,
No matter your anger.
No matter if you have turned your back on God
God will never turn his back on you.
Even if you may think
He has already done so.

The light has faded,
the darkness has simmered into your heart.
Slowly,
and with passion.
But the light,
will never leave completely.
Even if
it's a glimmer
of a small star
in a sea of blackened sky.
The light is never
truly distinguished.
This
we must remember.

Women and the Priesthood

I know... it's a strange title for a blog post. But, I wanted to share with you something I wrote for my religion class at BYU. I didn't realize it was something I was so passionate about until now, but I believe that women are so special, and by disputing that "they should be ordained to the preisthood", I believe it diminishes how awesome we already are. I do not mean to offend or cause contention. It is simply how I feel. 

            I am a woman of God. I stand with my Savior Jesus Christ in these last days and I am prepared to fight for what I believe in. I am strong, I am powerful, and I am a servant of the Lord. I know that God loves me and has given me the chance to prove myself worthy to be a soldier in these last days and fight the adversary. However, I believe that God entrusted me with a sacred responsibility: to raise the next generation of soldiers to fight for our God.

            While I am not a mother yet, I believe that it is my destiny to become one. And I take that responsibility very seriously. I plan to teach my children to pray to their Heavenly Father in times of need, as well as in times of calm. I plan to read the scriptures with my children and help them learn from those stories that have made me who I am. I plan to drive my kids to activity days, scouts, young men and young women’s activities, girls camp, seminary, and anything else that will help them become more like Jesus Christ. I plan to teach them righteous principles and about correct ordinances. I plant to teach them about the temple and the power that comes from being worthy to go inside. I plan to do all that I can to make sure that my kids know where I stand in the fight against the adversary. And I’m going to do it all while using Priesthood Power.

            Yes, I plan to use priesthood power to raise my family in righteousness. And I don’t have to be “ordained” to do it. You see, there are 4 different “parts” (for lack of a better word) to the priesthood. They are priesthood keys, priesthood offices, priesthood authority, and priesthood power. Groups such as Ordain Women would have you believe that we, as righteous women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, are powerless and oppressed because we are not “ordained” to the priesthood. That simply is not true. While women of the church do not hold priesthood keys or priesthood offices, if we are righteous and worthy, we have a right to priesthood authority and priesthood power.

            Do you know what the priesthood is? The priesthood, as defined on LDS.org, is “the eternal power and authority of our Heavenly Father.”¹  If you continue in the same paragraph that I got that definition out of it says, “All of Heavenly Father’s children can… access the power and blessings of the priesthood.” ¹  You don’t have to be a male ordained to the priesthood to access it. I often think about when I was a missionary for the church and how that is an example of how I had priesthood authority. I had the authority to preach the gospel to the people of Long Beach, California. I was set apart and given that jurisdiction. Could I lay my hands on someone’s head and give them a blessing? No, but you better believe I offered some pretty powerful prayers. Do you think that just because I did not “have the priesthood” that God would not answer those powerful prayers that I uttered? I do not believe so. In fact, I believe that many of those prayers resulted in miracles, which by definition², happen only through the priesthood.

            There are some who worry so much about this topic because they believe we are not equal to men. With those who believe this, I would agree. We are not equal to men. We are different, and that is what makes us so special. God did not design us to do everything a man could do. He made us to do everything that a man could not do. God entrusted us with the most divine work yet, to bear his sons and daughters. I often think how Mary, the mother of Jesus, must have felt knowing that she was chosen to be the mother of the Savior of the world. I wonder how highly God must have esteemed her to trust her with such a task of raising His son. Mary was not ordained to the priesthood. She was a young girl who had little experience in life. Yet, God chose her.

            I believe that God knows our capabilities. I believe that God trusts us with a similar task as Mary, to bear and raise the rest of his children. We do not need to hold the priesthood to do the Lord’s will. We do not need to make ourselves higher, for God already holds us so high. We have a work to do on this earth. And I plan to do it, with God’s help. I may not, by definition, hold the priesthood, but I definitely know how to access the power of God.

Sources:

1.     https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ap/priesthood-keys/what?lang=eng

2.     https://www.lds.org/topics/miracles?lang=eng

Current Events

I know it's been so long since I've actually provided any sort of information on our lives, and I know I say that just about every time I write a new blogpost, but whatever. Here we are again anyway.

Life for us has been busy, busy, busy!

Winter Semester is wrapping up quite nicely. Finals end this week, we get 3 days off, and then it's back to school for us with Spring classes starting next Tuesday. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever escape the necessary evil that is school. (I say that now, knowing that as soon as I graduate, I'll be nostalgic and want to go back.)

Silas is in the process of applying for the Finance and Accounting programs and I just got accepted to the BYU Special Education Program. (Fist pump!) I finally have a graduation date, which is a big deal for me because I have never had one of those... and I was beginning to accept the reality that I would probably just be in school forever. I guess that happens when you can't decide on a major and end up taking about a year's worth of unnecessary classes. But, there is now a light at the end of the tunnel.

We're still in Provo and basically living the typical Provo married student life. Silas is currently working at a startup company called InsideSales in their accounting department, and I work on campus. (Three cheers for campus jobs that work around your schedule!)

Other than that, life is pretty normal for us. We're taking a trip to NY this summer that we are beyond excited for, and we just bought some camping pads! So things are really looking up for us! :)

But in all seriousness, 9 months of being married has been the bomb. Here's to the last 3 and hitting our 1 year anniversary.

Reflections

If there is one thing that i have learned in my 23 years on this earth, it's that things never seem to work out the way I want them to. God has always stepped in and immediately the road I am on takes a sharp turn. I was going to be a teacher, graduate from BYU-Idaho and I most definitely wasn't going on a mission.

If you would have asked me when I graduated High School what my life would be like in 6 years, I would have guessed nowhere near where I'm at right now.

But I thank God I am where I am.

I thank God for knowing that all those boys I had crushes on, were nowhere near as perfect for me as my husband is now. Even though I felt worthless when none of them payed any attention to me.

I thank God my dad had the crazy idea to apply for a job in Virginia and move my family across the country, so I could meet the most amazing sister missionaries who taught me that I actually did want to be a missionary.

I thank God I have a mom who found a random job on Craigslist for me at a Preschool for children with special needs, where I would fall in love with those kids.

I thank God that He knew exactly where i needed to be at this time in my life. And in all times of my life.

I'm thankful that I believe in a God who answers prayers, and who directs his children in all things if they ask.

If you would have asked me when I graduated high school if I thought I would be living in Provo as a BYU student, married to a boy I met on my mission, I probably would have raised an eyebrow and asked you where you came up with a crazy story like that.

I look at the little pieces that have made up who Jacqueline is, and there are quite a few. Sometimes they are pieces that come day by day. But I sure am thankful for every little piece, no matter how small or big it felt at the time.

When it feels like everything's falling apart and nothing seems to be going the way we want it to; remember that you can only see what's in front of you, but God can see the whole picture.

He know's what He's doing.

Trust Him.