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Current thoughts:
7/21/18 — 7:15 a.m
Right now, I’m just sitting here with baby girl in my arms. It still feels surreal and hard to believe that 1.) she came out of me... and 2.) she is all ours and here to stay!
I’m exhausted. Last night was her first night home with us and it was rough. I didn’t really feel like I was able to sleep at all until about 4 am. And even then, I was just worried about her. I love her so much. And it’s so hard to see her be sad when she wakes in the middle of the night. But it truly amazes me how much love I have for this little human already. She’s so perfect.
I’m also so grateful for Silas. I knew he would be a great dad.... but he has been the most amazing husband any girl could ask for. He has changed more diapers than I have! And he loves this little girl so much. You can see how much he loves her when he holds her. He has helped me in the middle of the night and he encourages me that I’m doing great. (Even though I feel like this is super hard and I don’t know what i will do when my mom leaves.)
4:55 p.m.
I feel like when people say that being a mom is the hardest thing they’ve done, it’s not something you can truly understand until you become one yourself. One of the hardest parts for me so far has just been the worry that comes with the job. I’m constantly thinking about if she’s okay. Asking questions like, “is she too hot? Is she breathing while she’s sleeping? Is she okay on her side while she sleeps? How are her bilirubin levels?" Just literally everything is something to worry about! I felt that way a little bit when I was pregnant, but I have a feeling that is just one of those things that just continues!
7/24/18 — 3:21 a.m.
Right now I’m feeding Brooklyn. It’s actually something I quite enjoy doing. It’s a little painful at times, but it makes me feel pretty connected to her. Today she is 6 days old. It’s crazy that she’s been here with us for 6 days. I can’t believe that she is here to stay. She is so precious and perfect and pure. And I can’t believe that she will grow up! Like she won’t stay this little forever.... which is sad, but also exciting. I am so excited to watch her grow up!
I have had pretty bad anxiety since she was born. I feel like it’s getting better, but it’s still hard to feel totally restful at night while she’s next to me. I’m always worried that something is wrong or that she needs something. It’s been kind of difficult. Silas gave me a blessing last night though, and i think that helped.
She’s practically the perfect baby though. Super happy and chill all the time. And sleeps super well! She almost always sleeps 4 or more hours at a time. I wake up more often then that and check on her... bc of my anxiety, but she’s such a good little sleeper.
She’s also such a good eater! She established a good latch pretty quickly and eats so well! My milk supply has been pretty perfect also. (Well until I screwed it up yesterday... 🤦🏼♀️ i pumped to get some excess milk out bc I thought she was done... but pumped too much. Then she was hungry sooner than I thought and I don’t really feel like I had enough milk the entire night to keep her satisfied...) Breastfeeding is difficult.
I just love her so much.
8/1/18 — 4:04 pm
This week has been tough. Silas had to go to Florida for his internship and won’t be back until Friday. It’s been so hard to have him gone. I am so grateful for his partnership and that we are on the same team!
I adore this little babe and her grunts! She is the epitome of angelic. I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with her everyday. It's hard to believe that all I've ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom and now here I am with a one-month old baby. I often pinch myself (metaphorically) and have to remind myself that this is real life. I am so happy that this sweet little gal decided to join our family! <3 nbsp="" p="">
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