Change needs to start at home

In the days that have followed the recent Florida school shooting, thoughts and opinions have not stopped swirling around in my head. *Partially because anytime I go on Facebook I am reminded of what happened... and opinions and ideas are shoved down my throat....* But I have restrained from stating my thoughts and opinions because I think Facebook is a dumb place to do that (for me). Most of the things I see on Facebook, I don't take seriously anyway and the people whose opinions I actually care about, I can talk to in person and we can have a real discussion where hiding behind a screen isn't an option. (I learned during the election when I WAS posting my opinions that I didn't like the feeling of being attacked by people who often weren't really my friends anyway.)

Anyway...

But I feel like I need to share my thoughts on this... if not to just appease my own brain from continuously thinking about these things. So before you read any further, just know that this is how i feel. Its not right and it's not wrong. It just is what it is. So if you disagree, that is fine.

Okay.

Ever since I can remember in my life here on this earth, School shootings have been a thing. School Bombings have been a thing. When the Columbine shooting happened, I was 6. It has always been something that has been relevant to my generation.

In school we not only had fire drills, but we also had lock down drills. We had bomb threat drills. I remember one time specifically in high school, we actually had a bomb threat and we spent basically the whole day chilling on the football field. 

I grew up in Idaho. Where hunting is HUGE. Little boys often get BB guns for Christmas at age 6. And then by age 12, they are taking Hunter's Safety and manning their own 22, bringing home their own kills to share with their families.

Guns were normal. Guns were a part of my culture and my redneck hometown. They were just a part of life.

It wasn't until I was older and more educated and opinionated that I realized that guns can actually be a real threat. It didn't occur to me when I was growing up that anyone would take a gun that was used to hunt game and intentionally harm another person. Who would do that? And why?

I am now a special education elementary school teacher. I interact with students in K-6th grade. I see how these students act on a daily basis. I see how they REACT to other students. I know what they think about, how they feel about things, and what they hope to achieve in life. I see what their passions are, both negatively and positively. And I see how the environment around them affects them. You would be shocked at how many 4th grade students are already involved in gang activity. You would not believe how many Kindergarten students are already being bullied by other Kindergarten students. As a teacher, I do my best to teach kindness and understanding and love...

But there is only so much I can do. Teaching kindness and acceptance has to start at home, but in a world where cyber bullying and intolerance is so prevalent... I don't think that happens as often as we would like to believe. We, as adults, hide behind our computers and shame others for what they believe and think on social media. We make mean and demeaning comments when we see something we disagree with, without any hint of warmth in our "online tone". We refuse to try and understand the point of views of others and instead indulge in bullheadedness and use unkind words to express ourselves. 

We forget that our children see our actions and mimic them. They see the way we respond in frustrating situations and the way we treat people when we are upset and how can we blame them? They are simply following the lead of the adults they see in their lives. Then, when they grow up to act the same way, we are surprised and confused.

We live in a world where violent video games are normal. Where killing other people in a video game is the goal. I have a first grade student who loves Call of Duty. He's 6.

We must teach our children the things we wish to teach society. Kindness. Forgiveness. Communication. Acceptance. Love. And all the other good things that we can teach them. That is how we will solve the issue of these mass shootings. That is how we will begin to change the world. 

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." 

I believe that people are inherently good. I believe that most people are doing the best they can with the life and trials they have been given. And we need to recognize that in one another. Yes, it's easy to get frustrated and upset, but how we choose to REACT to those emotions really dictates who we are.

Now.....

I'm not saying that we don't have a gun problem. Those who go on shooting rampages should not own guns and I think there should be a stronger vetting process for who is allowed to purchase and own them. I also think that there is no good reason that a civilian should own a semi-automatic weapon. However, I believe that banning guns is not the answer. The founding fathers gave us the right to bear arms and protect ourselves for a reason. And since when did making things illegal or hard to access make people stop using those things? (i.e. alcohol in the 1920s, or basically any drug)

Simply taking away the 2nd amendment will just leave those who are legally carrying weapons without a way to defend themselves against those whom are illegally carrying them.

Okay. 

Let me say again... You may disagree with everything I said. But I said it, and it's out there and that's how I feel. Basically, if we teach our kids to be good people, and are examples of being good people, they will be good people. 

The End.

Hug a Teacher today...

Life, for the past 6 months, has been hectic, crazy, and full of tears to say the least. In my last post I talked about deciding to take an internship position. And true to that post, it has been one of the hardest things i have done. It reminds me of a mission in that, people say it will be difficult, but you don't actually know how difficult until you are in the middle of it.

However, I don't regret deciding to intern instead of student teach.

I have had my fair share of mental breakdowns and anxiety attacks and sleepless nights and stinky boys, and boogers, and sticky hands (where I wonder if they have even washed their hands this week...) and temper tantrums, and naughty 2nd graders who literally climb the walls and "i can't"s and "i won't's" and days when i would rather rip my hair out then do this another day...

But...

I have also had my fair share of little boy giggles, and practical jokes played on me by 3rd graders, and pictures drawn for me that say, "I love you teacher", and excitement and pride when they finally figure out the 9s multiplication trick after working on it for 2 weeks! And the happiness when they do the same work they they do in their regular ed. classroom and they do it the same as or better than their classmates. The joy of when they read an entire book by themselves or write a sentence on their own. When they help each other and take care of each other, and I catch them doing kind things for their friends and classmates.

It makes it all worth it.

I will NEVER say that teaching easy (And i hope that any non-teacher would never dare say that about teaching). I will also NEVER say that teaching is the funnest job, or the most glamorous job, and most days i think, "they are not paying me enough for this..."

However it is the most rewarding job in the entire universe, and that's a fact.

Hug a teacher today, because chances are they need it. And then ask them to tell you a funny story from their day because chances are even higher that they probably have about 5.

#adulting

"That simple motto gave me courage. But now if I could change that motto, it would read: 'In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things.'" —Elaine S. Dalton

A post shared by Mormon Channel (@mormonchannel) on Jul 18, 2017 at 8:59am PDT

Today, I ran across this quote on instagram. I really do believe that Heavenly Father is in the details of our lives... and this was such a little detail that I knew it had to have come from God.

For these past few weeks I have been trying to decide what to do with my future. Up until a month ago, I had everything planned to do student teaching in the fall and then I would graduate in December. While I have been doing my practicum (pre-student teaching), my professors approached me and asked me to consider doing an internship instead of student teaching.

The biggest difference between student teaching and an internship is the support you receive. With student teaching, you enter into another teachers classroom and are scaffolded in (you observe first, then slowly start teaching classes), you also only do it for a semester. With an internship, you jump into your first year of teaching. YOU are the teacher!! You are contracted with the district and the school and you are expected to know your stuff. It's also a full school year instead of just a semester. Also, then I would graduate in April instead of December. You have a mentor and there is a certain level of support that your mentor will offer you as you learn the ropes, but you're it!

So basically, interning is WAY scarier! For the last 2 weeks I have gone back and forth and back and forth, I have cried, and felt good, and thought NO WAY, and thought for sure! And it seemed like my mind changed every hour. (ask my husband) I cried thinking about doing it, and I cried thinking about not doing it, because i know it's going to be SO. FREAKING. HARD.

And so when i saw this today on my Instagram, it really made me realize that, I CAN DO HARD THINGS! And just like sister Dalton said, "In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things."



Soooo..... with all that being said, today I made the call to Provo Peaks Elementary School and accepted a position as a Mild/Moderate Special Ed. Intern for the 2017-2018 school year!

I'm super excited! Also terrified out of my mind...

#prayforme #firstadultjob #adultingtothemax

eeeeeeeeeek.

Current Events

It's hard to believe that it is already June! I feel like as I have gotten older, time continues to slip away faster and faster. I wanted to update those of you who actually read this to the goings on of our little family.

I am currently in school full time and working part time. It's been a struggle knowing that I am going to have to be enrolled in full time school for the whole summer... I don't think you ever grow out of missing summer vacation. #adulting It's not in vain though, because I do my student teaching in August and I then graduate in December!! (Hip-Hip Hooray!) I can't believe that I am *finally* graduating. I feel like I've been in school forever... and no, I won't be applying to grad schools anytime soon. 

Silas got accepted to Grad School!!! I already made an Instagram post about this, but I'm so excited! These past two semesters of school for Silas have not come easy. But on top of working part time, Silas has worked tirelessly completing group assignments, studying for tests, preparing case presentations, etc. The amount of dedication and diligence that he has put into his school has astounded me and I am so glad that he has seen the fruits of his labors. I'm so proud of his hard work and know that he has so much to look forward to in the not too distant future! 

I won the "Most Obsessed with Her Husband" at my work... and now you know why. #clingywife #whyyousoobsessedwithme?

We also recently returned from a quick trip to New Zealand. My In-Laws invited us to come with them and so we went! It was incredible! *Pictures available on Instagram*

We drove all the way up and down the North Island, and saw many rolling green hills and a lot of sheep. We also visited a black sand beach, and Hobbiton (of course). It was super neat! But, God Bless America! You know?

So, that's pretty much it for us these days! Just a whole lot of school and work. We lead exciting lives. But honestly though, while I generally am complaining about something little. I truly do feel blessed to be where I am. I have an awesome husband who works super hard, awesome family who supports us when we need it most, and great friends who keep us laughing and sane.

My Fear of Rejection

Rejection is probably something that scares me the most. I have always been a people pleaser, ever since I can remember. I have memories when I was in Kindergarten of getting in trouble and having to sit in the corner during reading time. All I wanted was to not be in trouble. I just wanted my teacher to like me. 

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't though. I mean don't get me wrong, I love to make people laugh, and I love to feel important and special and loved... but it's my Kryptonite. I can't tell you how upset it makes me when someone is upset with me, or I am criticized in an unkind way. It's awful. I feel like I am the worst person in the world and all I can think is... "of course they hate (insert idea here), it's terrible for (insert whatever reason here).  On top of that, I often get angry and defensive, and I don't like that side of myself. 

Okay.. why I am telling you this. Sorry, I'll get to the point.

How do I overcome that side of myself? I'm probably going to have children who dislike something that i do and make sure that i know about it. When I am a teacher, I most definitely am going to have parents who disagree with decisions that I make and are openly vocal about it. 

So, how do I let things go? How do I love myself enough to ignore the opinions of others, and only be concerned of the opinion of God? How do I take the words and opinions that others offer me with grace and understanding, but love and respect myself enough to realize that is all they are, words and opinions.

I feel like it's a work in progress, I'm a work in progress. But any words of advice would be greatly appreciated and wonderfully received.

Thanks for listening... or rather, reading.