"Life is Short, Don't be Lazy"

I recently started (and finished in 3 days) Al Fox Carraway's book More than the Tattooed Mormon. For those of you who don't know who she is, click on the link book title to check out her blog and her story. She's super cool! But we'll come back to her.

Lately, I have felt so stuck.

It's like I'm on a steep hill in roller skates and I'm spinning and spinning my wheels, but I'm not really going anywhere. Maybe up a bit and then down a bit, but for the most part I have pretty much stayed in the same spot. At least that's what i feel like.

I've always struggled to find the motivation to achieve goals. I don't know why. But for some reason, I just... struggle.

I mean I'm super great at having vision!

I want to be more fit! I'm going to exercise everyday!
I'm going to run for 30 minutes and then do a circuit to tone my muscles!
Yeah! 

Then that week ends... and I start making excuses.

I am pretty tired this morning, I think i'll sleep in today.
I have too much to do, so I should just skip a work out, I'll do it tomorrow.

And then before I know it, I've fallen off the bandwagon.

There's always something that ends up dragging me down. Which, in turn, drags my self-esteem and self worth down with it.

This past month or so, the dragging has been harder than usual. I don't really know why or what has caused it, but the awful comments I make about myself in my head when I look in the mirror have gotten worse and worse. I look at my body and compare it to the fit women I see in my life. I think about how much time I sit on the couch and feel like a total blob. I think about the spiritual lessons we have in Relief Society and find myself asking the questions:

Why am I not more spiritual like the amazing women at church? 
Why am I not more willing to serve? I should be more willing to serve...
I should read the scriptures more, go to the temple more, pray more diligently, etc.

And I get overwhelmed with everything I should change about myself. I get so overwhelmed that I just... give up. I stop trying because why try when I know I'm going to fail?

You'd be surprised how often the adversary puts that thought into my mind. But that's the thing. It's the adversary. Those thoughts are not from God.

I emailed my sweet missionary sister this week about my woes and she had such wisdom to share with me. (She's always been much cooler than me and wise beyond her years!) She said, "Progression is like a spiral. And sometimes you're on the downward part of the spiral and it feels like you aren't ever going to get where you want to go, and sometimes you even feel like you're going backwards. But if we just keep moving forward, we will get to where we want to go with our Savior's help."

And she's right! There will always be times that we fall. There will always be times that we feel like we are going backwards instead of forwards. But through it all, aren't we so lucky that we have a Savior to help us back on the right track.

So now you're wondering, Okay, but what does Al Fox Carraway have to do with this? Well, let me tell you. I was reading in her book about change and the quote "Life is short, don't be lazy" really stuck out to me. I think that the Savior is there to help us along the way, but we must first help ourselves. We can't be lazy. The Atonement works best when we are trying our best first, then Christ helps us reach our ultimate potential. And we don't have forever to change! We are given this little bit of time on earth to be tested and tried and given obstacles to overcome and we have to take advantage of that time.

I want to take advantage of that time.

So I'm going to try something new. I want to be held accountable for the goals I make. I want them to be known publicly and for the world to see and ask me about. So if you're reading this, will you help me? Here are my goals:

1. Exercise 3 times a week
2. Read/listen to my scriptures or a conference talk 3 times a week for 15 minutes

I'm starting with 2 goals... and I know they might seem pathetic to you. In fact, it's a little embarrassing when I think who might read this. But I want to change and improve and I have to do that one step at a time.

So please ask me about how my goals are going when you see me! Cheer me on! Keep me accountable. Because I SO want to be better. I SO want to be healthier. I SO want to make my relationship with my Savior stronger, and I know that I have to start small.